I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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