i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
