4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i just wanna soil my oats bro
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
