So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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