haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
