When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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