Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
