I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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