Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
