and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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