Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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