I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
