Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
