no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
