I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
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If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
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I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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