anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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