she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
