Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
