i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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