I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I cannot find my penis.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
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Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
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As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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