things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
