Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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