I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
This toilet bowl is my home.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
