we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
