I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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