get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Randomize
