ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
