HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
you never un-have a 4some
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
