I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
