Midget sex pt 2 tonight
True but thats because hes a fetus.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
