Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
