dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
