I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
