i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i drank out of a bidet.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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