those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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