he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
