my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
