Don't make out with my wife yet
it's great music for shaving your balls
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
