Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You left your underwear on the fireplace
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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