She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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