is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
