Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
