In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
