im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
It's blow job season.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
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