dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
