True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
