i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
