He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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