I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
