i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I think a kid would responsible me up
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
