Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
