I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize