I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
