I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
time to smoke my breakfast
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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