I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
