In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You ruined the universe
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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