girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
