I can't breathe out the right side of my face
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
