I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
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I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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