The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
