I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
