Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
