haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
