I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
